It took me a long time to realize that the anger is not anger. At least not in you. Anger, it seems, for you is a way to say "look at me, take me by the hand, tell me I am still valuable to you even in my weakened state. Tell me some way you can love this battered shell of a man that I have become."

When I see that. I can take your hand. I can hold you. I can.

how did I go on?

The question was asked of me.  How do I go on.  I reread the posts and once again relive the pain and despair of a spouse with a chronic illness.
Things are so much better now.
We are so passed the tenuous - is this marriage even going to survive?
We survived and we will continue to do so.

And life is good now.

But why?

He didn't get better.
Life didn't get easier.

Is it because I found my worth?
Is it because I found his?
Is it because my Father in Heaven held us together when we were trying to push ourselves apart?

I love my husband.
He is my very best friend.

It took a looooonnnng time to find that out.